William Shakespeare - The Complete Works

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THE COMEDY OF ERRORS Act 2 Scene 2 (Enter Antipholus of Syracuse) l1l Antipholus Of Syracuse The gold I gave to Dromio is laid up l2l Safe at the Centaur, and the heedful slave l3l Is wandered forth in care to seek me out. l4l By computation and mine hostÆs report, l5l I could not speak with Dromio since at first l6l I sent him from the mart! See, here he comes. (Enter Dromio of Syracuse) l7l How now, sir, is your merry humour altered? l8l As you love strokes, so jest with me again. l9l You know no Centaur? You received no gold? l10l Your mistress sent to have me home to dinner? l11l My house was at the Phoenix?ùWast thou mad, l12l That thus so madly thou didst answer me? l13l Dromio Of Syracuse What answer, sir? When spake I such a word? l14l Antipholus Of Syracuse Even now, even here, not half an hour since. l15l Dromio Of Syracuse I did not see you since you sent me hence l16l Home to the Centaur with the gold you gave me. l17l Antipholus Of Syracuse Villain, thou didst deny the goldÆs receipt, l18l And toldÆst me of a mistress and a dinner, l19l For which I hope thou feltÆst I was displeased. l20l Dromio Of Syracuse I am glad to see you in this merry vein. l21l What means this jest? I pray you, master, tell me. l22l Antipholus Of Syracuse Yea, dost thou jeer and flout me in the teeth? l23l ThinkÆst thou I jest? Hold, take thou that, and that. (He beats Dromio) l24l Dromio Of Syracuse Hold, sir, for GodÆs sakeùnow your jest is earnest! l25l Upon what bargain do you give it me? l26l Antipholus Of Syracuse Because that I familiarly sometimes l27l Do use you for my fool, and chat with you, l28l Your sauciness will jest upon my love, l29l And make a common of my serious hours. l30l When the sun shines, let foolish gnats make sport, l31l But creep in crannies when he hides his beams. l32l If you will jest with me, know my aspect, l33l And fashion your demeanour to my looks, l34l Or I will beat this method in your sconce. l35l Dromio Of Syracuse ôSconceö call you it? So you would l36l leave battering, I had rather have it a head. An you l37l use these blows long, I must get a sconce for my head, l38l and ensconce it too, or else I shall seek my wit in my l39l shoulders. But I pray, sir, why am I beaten? l40l Antipholus Of Syracuse Dost thou not know? l41l Dromio Of Syracuse Nothing, sir, but that I am beaten. l42l Antipholus Of Syracuse Shall I tell you why? l43l Dromio Of Syracuse Ay, sir, and wherefore; for they say l44l every why hath a wherefore. l45l Antipholus Of Syracuse ôWhyö first: for flouting me; and then ôwhereforeö: l46l For urging it the second time to me. l47l Dromio Of Syracuse Was there ever any man thus beaten out of season, l48l When in the why and the wherefore is neither rhyme nor reason?ù l49l Well, sir, I thank you. Antipholus Of Syracuse Thank me, sir, for what? l50l Dromio Of Syracuse Marry, sir, for this something that l51l you gave me for nothing. l52l Antipholus Of Syracuse IÆll make you amends next, to l53l give you nothing for something. But say, sir, is it l54l dinner-time? l55l Dromio Of Syracuse No, sir, I think the meat wants that l56l I have. l57l Antipholus Of Syracuse In good time, sir. WhatÆs that? l58l Dromio Of Syracuse Basting. l59l Antipholus Of Syracuse Well, sir, then Ætwill be dry. l60l Dromio Of Syracuse If it be, sir, I pray you eat none of it. l61l Antipholus Of Syracuse Your reason? l62l Dromio Of Syracuse Lest it make you choleric and l63l purchase me another dry basting. l64l Antipholus Of Syracuse Well, sir, learn to jest in good l65l time. ThereÆs a time for all things. l66l Dromio Of Syracuse I durst have denied that before you l67l were so choleric. l68l Antipholus Of Syracuse By what rule, sir? l69l Dromio Of Syracuse Marry, sir, by a rule as plain as the l70l plain bald pate of Father Time himself. l71l Antipholus Of Syracuse LetÆs hear it. l72l Dromio Of Syracuse ThereÆs no time for a man to recover l73l his hair that grows bald by nature. l74l Antipholus Of Syracuse May he not do it by fine and l75l recovery? l76l Dromio Of Syracuse Yes, to pay a fine for a periwig, and l77l recover the lost hair of another man. l78l Antipholus Of Syracuse Why is Time such a niggard of l79l hair, being, as it is, so plentiful an excrement? l80l Dromio Of Syracuse Because it is a blessing that he l81l bestows on beasts, and what he hath scanted men in l82l hair he hath given them in wit. l83l Antipholus Of Syracuse Why, but thereÆs many a man l84l hath more hair than wit. l85l Dromio Of Syracuse Not a man of those but he hath the l86l wit to lose his hair. l87l Antipholus Of Syracuse Why, thou didst conclude hairy l88l men plain dealers, without wit. l89l Dromio Of Syracuse The plainer dealer, the sooner lost. l90l Yet he loseth it in a kind of jollity. l91l Antipholus Of Syracuse For what reason? l92l Dromio Of Syracuse For two, and sound ones too. l93l Antipholus Of Syracuse Nay, not sound, I pray you. l94l Dromio Of Syracuse Sure ones, then. l95l Antipholus Of Syracuse Nay, not sure, in a thing falsing. l96l Dromio Of Syracuse Certain ones, then. l97l Antipholus Of Syracuse Name them. l98l Dromio Of Syracuse The one, to save the money that he l99l spends in tiring; the other, that at dinner they should l100l not drop in his porridge. l101l Antipholus Of Syracuse You would all this time have l102l proved there is no time for all things. l103l Dromio Of Syracuse Marry, and did, sir: namely, eÆen no l104l time to recover hair lost by nature. l105l Antipholus Of Syracuse But your reason was not substantial, l106l why there is no time to recover. l107l Dromio Of Syracuse Thus I mend it: Time himself is bald, l108l and therefore to the worldÆs end will have bald l109l followers. l110l Antipholus Of Syracuse I knew Ætwould be a bald l111l conclusion. (Enter from the Phoenix Adriana and Luciana) l112l But softùwho wafts us yonder? l113l Adriana Ay, ay, Antipholus, look strange and frown: l114l Some other mistress hath thy sweet aspects. l115l I am not Adriana, nor thy wife. l116l The time was once when thou unurged wouldst vow l117l That never words were music to thine ear, l118l That never object pleasing in thine eye, l119l That never touch well welcome to thy hand, l120l That never meat sweet-savoured in thy taste, l121l Unless I spake, or looked, or touched, or carved to thee. l122l How comes it now, my husband, O how comes it l123l That thou art then estrangΦd from thyself?ù l124l Thy ôselfö I call it, being strange to me l125l That, undividable, incorporate, l126l Am better than thy dear selfÆs better part. l127l Ah, do not tear away thyself from me; l128l For know, my love, as easy mayst thou fall l129l A drop of water in the breaking gulf, l130l And take unmingled thence that drop again l131l Without addition or diminishing, l132l As take from me thyself, and not me too. l133l How dearly would it touch thee to the quick l134l Shouldst thou but hear I were licentious, l135l And that this body, consecrate to thee, l136l By ruffian lust should be contaminate? l137l Wouldst thou not spit at me, and spurn at me, l138l And hurl the name of husband in my face, l139l And tear the stained skin off my harlot brow, l140l And from my false hand cut the wedding ring, l141l And break it with a deep-divorcing vow? l142l I know thou canst, and therefore see thou do it! l143l I am possessed with an adulterate blot; l144l My blood is mingled with the crime of lust. l145l For if we two be one, and thou play false, l146l I do digest the poison of thy flesh, l147l Being strumpeted by thy contagion. l148l Keep then fair league and truce with thy true bed, l149l I live unstained, thou undishonourΦd. l150l Antipholus Of Syracuse Plead you to me, fair dame? I know you not. l151l In Ephesus I am but two hours old, l152l As strange unto your town as to your talk, l153l Who, every word by all my wit being scanned, l154l Wants wit in all one word to understand. l155l Luciana Fie, brother, how the world is changed with you! l156l When were you wont to use my sister thus? l157l She sent for you by Dromio home to dinner. l158l Antipholus Of Syracuse By Dromio? l159l Dromio Of Syracuse By me? l160l Adriana By thee; and this thou didst return from himù l161l That he did buffet thee, and in his blows l162l Denied my house for his, me for his wife. l163l Antipholus Of Syracuse Did you converse, sir, with this gentlewoman? l164l What is the course and drift of your compact? l165l Dromio Of Syracuse I, sir? I never saw her till this time. l166l Antipholus Of Syracuse Villain, thou liest; for even her very words l167l Didst thou deliver to me on the mart. l168l Dromio Of Syracuse I never spake with her in all my life. l169l Antipholus Of Syracuse How can she thus then call us by our names?ù l170l Unless it be by inspiration. l171l Adriana How ill agrees it with your gravity l172l To counterfeit thus grossly with your slave, l173l Abetting him to thwart me in my mood! l174l Be it my wrong you are from me exempt, l175l But wrong not that wrong with a more contempt. l176l Come, I will fasten on this sleeve of thine. l177l Thou art an elm, my husband; I a vine, l178l Whose weakness, married to thy stronger state, l179l Makes me with thy strength to communicate. l180l If aught possess thee from me, it is dross, l181l Usurping ivy, brier, or idle moss, l182l Who, all for want of pruning, with intrusion l183l Infect thy sap, and live on thy confusion. Antipholus Of Syracuse (aside) l184l To me she speaks, she moves me for her theme. l185l What, was I married to her in my dream? l186l Or sleep I now, and think I hear all this? l187l What error drives our eyes and ears amiss? l188l Until I know this sure uncertainty, l189l IÆll entertain the offered fallacy. l190l Luciana Dromio, go bid the servants spread for dinner. l191l Dromio Of Syracuse (aside) O, for my beads! I cross me for a sinner. l192l This is the fairy land. O spite of spites, l193l We talk with goblins, oafs, and sprites. l194l If we obey them not, this will ensue: l195l TheyÆll suck our breath or pinch us black and blue. l196l Luciana Why pratÆst thou to thyself, and answerÆst not? l197l Dromio, thou drone, thou snail, thou slug, thou sot. l198l Dromio Of Syracuse (to Antipholus) I am transformΦd, master, am not I? l199l Antipholus Of Syracuse I think thou art in mind, and so am I. l200l Dromio Of Syracuse Nay, master, both in mind and in my shape. l201l Antipholus Of Syracuse Thou hast thine own form. Dromio Of Syracuse No, I am an ape. l202l Luciana If thou art changed to aught, Ætis to an ass. Dromio Of Syracuse (to Antipholus) l203l ÆTis true she rides me, and I long for grass. l204l ÆTis so, I am an ass; else it could never be l205l But I should know her as well as she knows me. l206l Adriana Come, come, no longer will I be a fool, l207l To put the finger in the eye and weep l208l Whilst man and master laughs my woes to scorn. (To Antipholus) l209l Come, sir, to dinner.ùDromio, keep the gate.ù l210l Husband, IÆll dine above with you today, l211l And shrive you of a thousand idle pranks.ù l212l Sirrah, if any ask you for your master, l213l Say he dines forth, and let no creature enter.ù l214l Come, sister.ùDromio, play the porter well. l215l Antipholus Of Syracuse (aside) Am I in earth, in heaven, or in hell? l216l Sleeping or waking? Mad or well advised? l217l Known unto these, and to myself disguised! l218l IÆll say as they say, and persever so, l219l And in this mist at all adventures go. l220l Dromio Of Syracuse Master, shall I be porter at the gate? l221l Adriana Ay, and let none enter, lest I break your pate. l222l Luciana Come, come, Antipholus, we dine too late. (Exeunt into the Phoenix)